Alone in Church
I recon He loves that you are there! He forgave you before you were born, try not to give merit to those deceptive thoughts, cry for His love for you if anything:)
Cheer up nelum! We may be standing or sitting by ourselves but alone..... never.
We are all one in church, we all make up parts of the body of our church and when I look to Him praising and asking He lift all our hearts that we may fully give Him the glory he deserves I feel we are all as one.
Answer is yes I have felt like that before and I think everyone has at one stage or another, whether visiting another church or your usual church pal is crook or whatever I believe we have all experienced this, I suggest sitting next to another someone who may feel the same. If that dosent feel good maybe dare yourself to do it and if your still chicken maybe you could look to a friendlier place of worship? There are many great churches with great leaders and congregation although I would only recommend this as a last resort.
I believe we need to feel free in our environment but this is usually achieved from the inside out.
You can come sit beside anyone in our church on any Sunday we love and welcome all new brothers and sisters in Christ!
C3 Balmain Rocks:) Above all remember that we are forgiven and try not to be so hard on yourself.
Peace to you nelum.
Dear Nelum yeah, I agree with Jason, sometimes you feel as if everyone can see what's going on inside, you think they don't sit with you because you've stuffed things up or whatever. Sometimes I think when we are feeling that way our body language says.... leave me alone I'm in pain I want to sit alone..... whereas really we want people to come past that barrier and come in close to us to share in our pain. I would hang in there in your church at almost all costs. These people know you, it's familiar ground and there is a sense of stability. Commitment is a really good thing and you need to have a positive reason to changing churches rather than a negative one.
You are very much part of the body and very much part of that church. Someone once said if you want to have a friend you need first to be a friend, if we go to church to try and take from the body of Christ what we need then when you look inside the church there will be nothing there because no one is giving and everyone is trying to take. We all have different skills, gifts and talents that the Lord God has given us so if we can give in areas where we are strong, gifted, skilled and talented then we may find that those areas that other people really lack and they will then be able to give into us, into the parts of us that are empty out of their abundance, and all that enabled because we first gave.
By no means have you failed God in getting divorced, we are all sinful people, as it says in the Scriptures some people's sins are obvious and upfront and it's easy to shake our finger at them, other people's sins are hidden, there are either internal or very subtle or maybe they just cover their tracks really well but ultimately those sins will also be revealed and we will get quite a few surprises. So don't sit there thinking I must be the only sinner, they are all there because they recognise they are also sinners. having said that I would say that you are being too hard on yourself by saying that you are sinful because you have been divorced. Sometimes it's got nothing to do with our sin and everything to do with Sin on the part of the other party.
It is tough being in a church with lots of loving couples all snuggled up to each other, it really does emphasise your singleness, just remember that your first husband is the Lord God, Yahweh. I wear a wedding ring even though I've been divorced for 12 years, around the ring is inscribed~ CHRIST GRACE FAITH WORD ALONE ~ with the ring itself in one sense representing love which binds all together. This is a reminder of who my first love is and must continue to be, so I will pray that you will fall in love more and more with the Lord God and be able to walk hand in hand with him and feel his warmth, his love and his grace in your life.
God bless you, yours in his service, Jim
Wow...I'm glad i spoke out on this forum. Thanks for your advice. This has always been an issue for me and i'm really glad i wrote on the Board. Thanks again guys.
Nelum...my heart bleeds for you and I wish I could just give you a hug because I have known how you have felt. I agree with what the guys have said too. Read "Victory over the Darkness" by Neil Anderson and realize that no matter what you perceive you are, God sees you as a saint and forgiven...you have the same standing as everyone else in the church. This book has collections of these statements straight from the Bible and God's heart as to how He sees you. He sees us so differently to how we see ourselves and when we capture a glimpse of that and His love for us, it transforms us. Also realize that whatever mistakes you have or have perceived that you have made, God's forgiveness has completely erased that. If you live under guilt and condemnation of past confessed and repented of sins, you are buying Satan's lie. Walk with your head held high and in confidence and realize and embrace God's view of you.
Yes the reality is in churches it can be a lonely place especially for an attractive single woman such as yourself. I am a divorced single mum so I know exactly how you feel. And guys it is slightly harder for women because we can be perceived as homewreckers and desperate or a threat...Nelum many times I've had to just do my best to ignore what others may do or say or disown the shame that they want to assign to me...Jesus took all my shame on the cross.. I can walk in freedom and confidence. I just have to remind myself and particularly in church of how God sees me through Jesus' righteousness...same as everyone else in the congregation. I also think that perhaps Satan tries to attack the singles even in church to try to divert their attention from Jesus and onto themselves and all their failings and into comparing themselves to others who may outwardly seem to have it together ( but how do you know they aren't struggling with hidden sins? ...hmmm? ) Before you know it, the worship and sermon has come and gone and you missed half of it because we were self focussed....not a judgement...I've done it all too often.
Nelum you are loved and adored and cherished and an essential part of Christ's body...He needs you and so do the rest of us...you bring something unique that no one else can because they don't have your combination of personality, gifts, talents and experiences....hang in there..if not for your sake , for God's and ours...:) Love you sister and thankyou for sharing your heart...:)
Kandia, it is so good to have your beautiful, spirit filled, sensitive, and caring wisdom back on this site. I know what you mean about being targeted as a homewrecker, if I chat to married ladies at church just because I guess that's part of my personality as I'm not big on football but I am on talking about my heart ~ you suddenly find their husbands Zooming over to protect their interests... so it does work on both sides of the fence. Your post above is just beautiful, it is so full of truth and wisdom and I really hope that you,Nelum soak up this wisdom. Kandia.. are you really sure you won't marry me? HaHa, I truly love you as a sister, keep up the good posts, thanks, Jim
Hi guys, I hear where you are coming from I sat in my church this morning and thought the same thing..... but hey we serve an awesome God
I felt like that before....Alone and not worthy of God's love but as I kept on pursuing in building my relationship with Christ, I learned that I am the only one thingking that way. God loves us unconditionally....no ifs...no buts.
I sat in church the other week behind a young family. During the service they were constantly caring for the needs of their children. I wondered how meaningful the service was to them. It helped me appreciate how fortunate I was to be able to concerntrate fully on worshipping God.
I too have been through periods where I felt that aloneness in church, but I discovered that if I looked for older ladies who were on their own, they loved having a younger person take an interest in them. I have greatly benefited from the love and care I have received from some of these women. There have been some very precious 'God moments' when they have contacted me out of the blue when I was feeling alone.
Hi Nelum,
I often sit alone in church, and find that I can concentrate and think my own thoughts better. Of course there are times when a family might come and sit with me, which is great. However I sympathize with you feeling alone. I hope you find some nice people to sit with - it's so nice to be able to worship with others. My church in Canberra was a lovely welcoming church (years ago that is)..... Now I am in Newcastle and attend church here.
Oh Nelum :( I just want to give you a huge hug, honey.
I used to go to a church that was apparently "alive"- but it was dead. I ended up sneaking in just before service went in, sitting alone, and leaving very quickly afterwards... I was not in the "clique" and it was horrible, I spent every service just wanting to cry.
I now go to a church that not only is more genuinely worshipful, but it is WONDERFULLY warm. I can't get from the front door to the music stand without being hugged 20 times! I felt very "guilty" leaving my old church as some of the leaders gave myself and some others who were having the same problem the idea that "you don't come to church to enjoy yourself" "the problem is probably you" and "even if you hate it you should just tolerate it for God's sake." I am SO glad I listened to my instincts (or rather, I listened to what God was telling me) and found somewhere where I am loved and am able to freely love.
As others have said- God does not think you are a failure. God thinks you are his beautiful, remarkable, precious daughter.
I wish you could come to church with me and we'd sit together. Hold in there, pray always, don't give up hope. xo
oh thank you so much. Such encouraging and such lovely replies.....Kandia, thank you...you said exactly whats in my mind.i pass Koorong pretty much every day, will hop in and buy the book...how come i don't meet people like you all in public?? I think He's spread us sporadically so we have greater influence!!
Naomi, you made me think again whether i'm going to the right church. While i 'learn' from the sermons, it made me think am i really learning... i approached one of the assistants and asked her last sunday whether there were any events organised for older singles and she said no, the church generally caters for families and youth...hmm....eventhough i could see a few people sitting by themselves (probably single, divorced, widowed, or partners of non-Christians) who probably feel the same way as i do. I did attend a few womens functions but couldn't get into the conversations of ballet classes, school trips, which sleeping bag to buy etc when i don't have kids of my own...so gave up on those...
I'm thinking now that after attending this new church for the past year (since moving suburbs) if i don't really feel part of the church then am in the right place....but am wondering is it the church or is it me??!! Oh i don't know....I'm confused!
Nelum, I feel for you. I had a similar experience when I attended a different church in that every time I went to sit down, I was told"sorry, you can't sit there, it is reserved for...". It certainly makes you feel lonely or not wanted. I think we all need to take stock of how welcoming we are to others. It's a real ministry. Even people joining a club are made to feel welcome and introduced around. How much more should a church of God's people be welcoming. No, I don't think it is you. What happens if, when you first come in, you make a point of sitting right next to someone, smile, and pray about the rest? It is certainly difficult as a single, as others can feel threatened. God has a special place for you. May you find it and be uplifted.
I attend church each week and was wondering whether i was the only one feeling this way...i feel terrible sitting in church by myself. Sometimes it gets so tough that i have to quickly stop myself before i start crying!!
The church i attend to is a very family oriented church and have tonnes of families and couples and being divorced its kind of a reminder that somehow i have failed God.
You're probably wondering why on earth i continue to attend that particular church without finding another?? Well, the vicar there is really good and i love the sermons, services etc...its just sitting by myself that really gets to me.
Am i the only one feeling this way???
[sounding close to requiring therapy!!!!]